Homecoming

I peek through half opened eyes at the television... busy with nothingness. Where am I ... what day is this... is it morning... am I late for work... Awareness surrounds my opening mind. As I lean up from the solitude of my unexpected slumber, I stand in the shadows created by the flashing lights of the television.

I feel the quiet inside of the noise all around. The red button on the remote control ends all confusion. I have often asked myself what kind of life do I have. The answers are all around me.

I thirst and roam to the kitchen... the kitchen that should be the heartbeat of my home. I find mail strewn about and a bowl and plate haphazardly placed within a melodious dripping sink. The only other noise is the hum of the motor deep within the refrigerator.

I walk outside to hear the new neighbors and their friends frolicking behind walls of their home... a home surrounded by cars and vehicles that swell out of the driveway into the street. Aloneness sets its sights on me.

Back inside I see the unread books of children on the kitchen table... with colorful covers designed to attract the eyes of young readers. They remain still. A small shoe greets me in the hall like a family pet as I peer into the bedroom to see toys that are un-played with and games that are untouched. I slowly turn off the light.

The corner room smiles to me as I peer through the opened doorway and I am greeted by smiling dolls that slumber in the quiet. The toys call to my inner child to be cuddled... I retreat.

Our bedroom is still and void of the sweet smell of lotions and perfumes. The unmade bed drains at my guilt. It is confusing to my eyes to not see the edges folded just so and the pillows all in a row. I feel as though I am in a vacuum. There is silence where there should be chatter. There is dark where there should be light. I am blank when I should be charismatic.

I am nothing without my family... without my children... without my wife. This empty home should be filled with giggles and smiles of joy. It should be busy with errands and needs. The rush that is consuming at times would be welcome now.

That is my life... you are my life. I will fight the boredom and the meaninglessness until my life can continue with you all. I will await a homecoming of normalness.

Shannon R Killman