I peer through the window in this strange place. Another roof to cover my head and another dream to call home. Through the peeling paint and rusted screen, I hear the voices of other children. They play and laugh… did someone give them some love?
I look around this room, with its new wallpaper and bedspread and know that this too will be hard to get used to. Where can I put my “case”? Here… right here on this table. I know they won’t mind if I keep it here. I can always see it…always touch it.
It’s quiet and I can here the voice of my Grammy. She speaks in a gruff whisper. “Sonny, you know that Grammy can’t take care of you anymore, but I went and bought this case for you and filled it full of love and dreams. Keep it with you… and one day when you have pulled out all of the dreams and all of the love, you will be a man and won’t need anyone to look after you anymore.”
My case is worn and tattered now. I bet we have seen a hundred new places. But one day, after my birthday, I’m going to be a man and start putting love and dreams back in my case.
I used to hate that old “case”. It reminded me that my home was taken away from me. I used to kick it and hit it hoping it would go away. They would take me and put me in a big dark car and take me to eat sandwiches. Sometimes I would be asleep and they would wake me up in a new place. When we would walk up to the door, I would turn back to see that big car, and a woman would be carrying that “case”.
People would smile and pat my shoulders and push me off to a quiet place. There I would be… me and that old case. Everything I know is in that case. It’s the only thing that I can return to. After a time or two, when I looked back to see that big car, I made sure that they didn’t forget my friend, the case.
I tried to run away one time and I tore all the stuff out of my case… it was so heavy. But, I held on and drug it down the street. After a while, I didn’t know where to go. No one looked happy and I was scared. I pulled my case tight to me and remembered my Grammy. I took the buckle loose and tried to get all the dreams and love I cold get out. Those people came and got me and my Grammy was right… I’m going to be all grown up one day and I can start putting dreams and love back in.
One time they tried to give me a new case. It had a bright shiny buckle and it smelled like a department store. I kept my case close by and when it was time for me to go, I said goodbye to that new case and opened my old friend up. Sometimes I can smell my Grammy’s cupboard in that case. Just for a minute, I am back, giggling and laughing… and Grammy is telling me stories about my Mommy.
The corners are coming loose in my case and I push the threads down and count them. One, two, three, four… forty-nine…eighty-two. If I keep counting… I’ll be all grown up.
There are some spots on my old case. One time I bit my lip and when I ran to find my case, my face pushed up on the side of it and I got some blood on it. They tried to clean it, but it’s still there. There is a spot on the bottom of it from the puddles of water… the new people were late and we had to wait outside in the rain.
My case won’t sit up anymore. The side got hurt from me laying on it. But now, we both get to lie down. I pull one of my dreams out and I lay down with my case and we go back home… with Grammy.
I got in trouble one time and they took my case away from me. I saw them put it in the closet… It was so high that I couldn’t reach it. I looked up every day and night to be sure all the love was still up there in my case. When it was time to go, they put my new shoes in it… and my new T-shirt.
That old man… I don’t remember his name; he fixed the zipper one time. We went in the barn and he used a big needle to sew it back together. The thread used to be orange, but now it looks brown. I gave him one of my dreams and some of the love out of my case. He said he would share them with his wife.
In one house, there was a little kitty-cat that would sneak into my room at night. I could hear him walking on the floor even before he got to my bed. He liked my case and would curl up in it to take naps. When I would wake up in the morning, I would look to see if he was there, but he was always gone. I told him that he could take some love with him to share with the other children.
Another time, a lady with red hair put some paper in the bottom of my case because the material was coming out. It had blue and red stripes. I told her about my Grammy and she wanted to put some dreams and love in my case too. I told her that Grammy had put all that it would hold, and that I need to use them all up so I can be grown. She let me put some dreams and some love in a little flower painted box that she kept by her big chair. She said that she would use them when she thought of me when I was gone. I gave her some more before the big car came to get me.
But now I have my own room and the nice man and lady said it was for only me and it was for always. I asked them if I was going to go with the big car again and they told me this was my home now. They said I could keep my case in my room until all the dreams and love were all out of it. They said I could take it on trips to the lake and we could put lunch and snacks in it. I can take it anywhere I want.
I gave them some love out of my old case and then dragged it up here to my room. Every time I open the case and pull some dreams and love out of it, there is always more. How did my Grammy have so much to give?
Sometimes I pull my case to the window and open the top so the wind can carry some love and dreams to my Grammy. She wrote her name in my case and I look at it all the time. It’s hard to read, but I know that she wrote it for me. Nobody can ever take my case from me… not until I have used all of the love and dreams up and I am all grown up… after my birthday.
Shannon R Killman
