Quietly...

I am here once again alone with my thoughts… I remember this sinking feeling that overtakes my inner man… it is a haunting spirit… No more are you charmed in my presence. You fail to hide your feelings… it is easier to expel your words into the air… I die inside when I feel the weight of your harmful criticisms…

My mind grows numb to your insensitivities. We pass through our days together as strangers in the city streets of life. No longer do I long for a glance from your eyes. No longer do I seek a touch from your hand or from your cheek.

I remember this draw to darkness from my past. I thought it strange to recall this inner erosion… this dying of dreams of the future. I am encouraged when there is no turmoil… but, too common are the arguments and too common the weights on my soul.

I know I have no time to heal… no time to correct… no time to care… or to make right. You tell me how you desire for a life without me. The rejection of our years together torture my mind… but I conquer by pulling it in and hiding the pain… you will shame me no more. You will not block my smile.

I know the end has come… I now wait for the inevitable… for I have no control… I seek no control. I direct little… only what I choose to hide within… but I am no longer sad. I no longer care. I wait patiently for the outcome…

The hands of our clock have slowed to a crawl. We know the outcome. I know you are gone… I know I am gone… who shall leave… who shall destroy the lives around us… is it you… must it be me? If it must be me, I will not forgive. Quietly, I will never forgive.

Shannon R Killman