if this was my Last Day I would...

I used to thing that if this were my last day that I would have it all scripted out. I would eat my favorite meals and drink my favorite drinks. I would sleep until I was ready to get up and then talk to all of the people I wanted to talk to. I would go to the places that I wanted to go to, and see the things that I wanted to see. It would be beautiful and peaceful and just perfect.

I decided, upon further thought, that I would want it to be totally different. I want to go about my life and then have it just stop. I don’t want to know about it, I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to see it coming or have any clue that the end is about to happen.

If that is the case, I guess the best thing for me to do, is to be ready every day. Say the things that need to be said every day, think the things that need to be thought every day. Love the ones that need to be loved every day and be the person that I need to be every day. It sure does sound great but it is so hard to live up to. I struggle with these things every day.

I took the training wheels off of Jackson’s bicycle one weekend morning. We were going to learn how to ride like a big boy. He whined and pouted and jerked around and panicked. I thought he was just about to get it when he asked me if he could take a break from learning.

I told him of course he could and watched him eye that bike for a moment and then go inside to get a glass of water. A short period of time went by and he returned to the driveway with a determined look on his face. I was so proud of him.

Then he surprised me. He grabbed that bicycle up and headed up the driveway, walking toward the back of the house. I asked him where he was going and he told me that he decided not to learn to ride his bike without the “small” wheels on it.

When I asked him why, he told me that it was just too hard to learn and that it wasn’t fair that it was so hard. After some gentle persuasion, we did continue on that sunny day. In no time he was riding around that cul-de-sac like he had conquered the world.

It is a struggle every time we start something new. Every time we get up in the morning. Every time we are faced with something we don’t want to deal with. It’s not fair and it’s hard.

I want my last day to be a surprise. Just like it was a surprise for Jackson on Christmas morning when, for the first time, he discovered a big boy bicycle left for him… one with no training wheels.


Shannon R Killman