The smile that lights up your face is as full as my heart when your reflection throws itself upon my eyes. Every pulse and twitch of your youth explodes with energy and reflex.
My mind pulls forward and leans toward your every word. I hear the echo of your voice in the quietness of my solitude. I envy the everyday norms of your life with others. God blessed your warmth and unconditional love upon me.
I see you only in glimpses now… only temporary sparks in the fires of the time we should be resting within. I wonder how, and to what extent your life would be different if I was by your side… by your side for the bruises and bumps that life thrusts upon you.
It was meant to be that I should lead and console you… to be within your grasp when you weep and scare. I fear that when you wake in the night, you don not call out for me. I know I should be the one to run to your side and impale my confidence into your brow.
Life has made its decisions and I am forced to comply… to re-map a route into your life. Your tender age intercepts the understanding of our situation, but with time and toil, the thoughts of my concerns and posture will be impaled into your heart.
My mind and soul ache when I think of our time apart. I bargain for forgiveness… for the passing of time without you. My child, you are my precious jewel… my l light in the ember of my love… the beginning of a voyage yet undetermined.
My sweet… my tender and giving angel… perhaps when the shades of light set upon your life, you can comprehend my task… the task of nurturing and caring from a distance. I would give to you, without the consciousness of thought, my very breath and life. You are my gift from God and his gift to this world.
Be patient with the passing of this season, and understand and realize for eternity, that I have always been within you… in some way and in some form. I will always love you and always need you.
If I ever doubt the importance of you in my life, I can be reminded by the immediate intoxication of your familiar smile. Although I cannot feel and hear the beat of your heart…. Your pulse is an eternal reminder… your Daddy loves you…
Shannon R Killman
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