I used to think if I held my breath and closed my eyes… I could make time stand still. Who can tell… it may have worked. I couldn’t hold my breath for very long. I look for the quiet and the special in my surroundings. My mind slows when a certain glow pulls itself before my eyes. I find myself in-between breaths.
I wasn’t looking for an unusual experience as I peeked into the den while the children giggled and laughed while they watched themselves on a newly found video tape. It was rescued from time and from the dust of years by an observant hand. Many years had passed and the size and form of my offspring had changed. The infant smiles and tears flashed before me as if I had dropped away to the past.
The innocence and the freedom of youth were spilling themselves into all of my senses. I was bombarded by light and sound. They were flashing in a random rhythm that pulled me into a trance… a trance that smiled to my soul.
I saw visions of first baths… of Easter egg hunting… of Christmas presents… of a new flowerbed and garden... visions of shiny new bicycles and children dancing and laughing. There were unfamiliar paintings on the walls and forgotten furniture and clothing. I heard echoes of a voice. A voice I recognize as the voice I am told is mine.
There are the smiles of life... the eyes that do not change with time. The familiar patterns of speech and of laughter… the movement of the lips and the tilting of heads. I rested in my thoughts. I paused to think of the past that was filling my mind. I wondered if I had made the right decisions from day to day. I wondered if I had time to correct my mistakes.
When these images from my past came to an abrupt ending… I once again found myself pausing in-between breaths. Just like when I was young, I wanted to purse my lips together, close my eyes and have time stand still…
Shannon R Killman
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