Another Trip Around the Sun

I woke up this morning to the hugs and kisses from my little ones. I got up early and had my coffee … It was my birthday… so many years and yet so few. I had a busy day planned. I love my college football and today was going to be a great day to watch the games all day.

I got in my old jeep and made my way to a friends house… His father had fallen in his home earlier in the week and was in the hospital. Mike asked me if I could help him widen the doorways in his father’s home so he could easily maneuver his wheelchair through the house. I got to Mike’s and he was waiting on me as he usually is. His truck was filled  with lumber and trim. We loaded up my tools and made our way out of town.

I checked my FaceBook page several times during the day… smiling from the well wishes from my friends and family. We worked through the day and into the evening… the football games passed us by… the radio was silent as the saws and nail guns sang their tunes.

We pried off old lumber that had held tight for over thirty years… we trimmed sheetrock and added feet and inches to the doorways. We drank diet coke and water and we smoked Marlboro Lights… We ate take-out burgers and homemade fries… crank up the saws…

We worked under the inspection of my friend’s mother who adored every improvement we made. How wonderful it would be to see her husband able to get through the house with ease. She smiled and laughed with us the entire day. Mike wanted nothing more than to do something for his mother and father… I am his friend and there was nothing I wanted to do more than to help him.

I got home in time to see the last part of my favorite college team’s game… we won. I drove in the driveway that my children had decorated with driveway chalk… it was beautiful. I got texts and calls from my children that weren’t home. I had a wonderfully baked cake and a nice surprise gift… all good things…

I would say that I had a great day today. I don’t know if I could have planned it any better…

                                                                        Shannon R Killman

Morning’s Journey

There was a cooling aroma in the morning air. I drove through the country this morning on a slow pace in order to memorize my surroundings. I could feel the change in temperature as I drove into the lazy dips in the road that nurtured islands of swampy ponds…

I pulled into an overgrown driveway that still held onto leggy rose bushes that seemed to plead for my admiration. I looked up at a tidal wave of kudzu vines that towered over ancient oak and pine trees. They stood sentry around an abandoned farmhouse that had finally given into the kudzu’s trespass.

I crept through the weeded reminisces of the overgrown yard into a cotton field. The rows of plants stood chest high for as far as the misty morning would allow me to see. There was wetness in the air… I could smell the soil under my feet. The morning dew hung on the leaves of the cotton plants. The white tufts of raw cotton clung tightly to their leathery hulls.

I felt the water that wicked through my shirt onto my skin. The breeze cooled the air around my neck as I watched a black butterfly gallop across the tops of the sea of green and white. My eyes caught sudden movement from beside my head… a dull yellow maple leaf kissed my cheek on its targeted passage to the ground.

I caught it on my shoulder and held it between my fingers to use it to shield my hands from the wet plants on the way back to the Jeep. I pulled away onto the road and laid the leaf on the seat next to me. It nervously rocked from side to side as my speed increased.

… it took flight… I stabbed at the air trying to capture it once again. The leaf flew from window to window flapping with the sound of a dove’s wings. Finally in a burst of energy… it escaped into the winds.

I reflexively slowed to a stop as I watched it settle to the black pavement…  I stretched to exit my seat as a helpful gust of wind lifted it back into the air and into the teasing roadside grass.  I smiled a smile as I drove away on my morning’s journey…

                                                                    Shannon R Killman

I See Her Face

We gather in the football fields inside of tracks… behind fences in parking lots and in the school yards among the other parents. We are all here for one reason… to watch our little girls run. They run in the mornings before school. They run after school with the team. They run on the weekends… they run in the cool of the mornings and in the heat of the day. They run in their dreams.

The house smells sometimes of mint and heat-rub. We have ice packs in every cavity of every freezer. I could build a mummy’s costume from the rolls of ace-bandages. I have been pulled into her sport. I was a novice as a fan… I now know the times… the splits… the sprints and the strategies… and I know the competition.

Katelin was frightened and nervous when she ran her first race last year. We were crowded amongst a sea of people in our town’s streets. There we categories for men, women, old and young. She was young and long-legged… she was my little girl surrounded by 500 other runners. We pinned her number on and she made a place for herself on the edge… in the back. She looked back to see if I was watching her… I gave her a confident smile.

She finished her first race and the pain was all over her. She looked spent and she wobbled toward me. Her hair was like wet straw and her clothes were twisted and soaked. She limped to one side and was unable to speak. Her eyes were misshapen and I could feel her exhaustion. I came to her and held my arms out to support her and she laid into my side. I knew this would be her last race.

I was wrong. We hung around for what seemed hours. We didn’t know how she placed in the race in her age group. She placed second and they hung a beautiful award around her slender neck. She smiled a smile a mile wide and looked in my direction… I saw the fire in her eyes… she couldn’t wait to enter the next race. It didn’t matter the town… it didn’t matter the time. She was ready.

Katelin has run in every region in the state. She started in the back of the pack and she now runs in the front. Her stride has straightened and she floats across the field. She is my gazelle. She has found her love. When she runs by us while we cheer… through the pain and the breath… she looks into my eyes. It is brief and it is strong… I look for my girl and I see her face… and I see her soul…

Shannon R Killman

Perspective

When I started my day...my observations...

I woke up with a sharp pain in my shoulder this morning… It keeps me awake off and on… there is an aching pain that flashes through my right knee. I also cut myself the other day. Every time I rub my finger the wrong way, I get a burning sensation all the way down my finger… the bandages won’t stay on.

I’m in the middle of three different projects with work. A new customer is pressuring me to start as soon as we can on his house. I also have several rental homes that I maintain for another customer. They are all over town and I have to take half of a day to do the simplest of tasks… it’s not very profitable.

I got home and can’t believe I need to cut the grass again… the bushes could use a trim. It is so hot. I just don’t think I want to do it today… it will have to wait. I have a ton of projects around the house I need to complete. There are cabinets to finish… there is sheet rock and tile work to do in the addition. It always seems to pile up on me. I don’t like the pressure to complete it all.

The electric bill will be high this month because it has been so hot. The kids all need new shoes and cloths. The taxes are due on my Jeep… the house payment is staring me in the face… the water and the sewer bills are due this month…

… I looked into the eyes of a young mother today… she held her baby close to her breast. She rocked her sweet and innocent child to comfort him… She kissed him on his cheeks and touched his eyebrow with her loving fingertip. I watched her tucking in the folds of the blanket around him to keep him warm. We talked for a short while… it was difficult for her to take her eyes off of him. He is so young… so pure. She tries to comfort him through the night. She knows there is nothing the doctors can do for him… tonight could be the night… or tomorrow. There is no sleep for this mother… this nurturer… his life is out of her hands. There was nothing I could say to her… no words… no deeds… my smile was lost in her fears…

When my day ended... my observations...

I searched my thoughts... I can’t complain… I won’t complain. I am blessed to be able to greet my children with a kiss on the cheek in the morning and we will plan the day… we will talk of the week and day-dream of the month and the year… and of the future… and we will say a prayer for the innocent…

Shannon R Killman

We are the Family

The house was a bee-hive of activity. There were a hundred things to do before traveling to the upstate for a soccer tournament this morning. We push our busy schedules and merge our lives to strangers’ that become acquaintances and friends. Today, we have a new family.

We have the quiet group… away from the others... we smile and talk in bursts of politeness. There are the important ones… there are the involved and the uninvolved. There are many among us that don’t know the rules… the ones that know all of the rules and the ones that just enjoy watching the children play the game.

There are the quiet ones… the loud ones… the irritators… the ones that stand behind and the ones that stand in front. We get along… we smile and we laugh. There are the observers… the photographers… the statisticians… and there are the time keepers…

We are the sideline players… the sideline coaches… and we are the sideline referees… We are not the team… we are the drivers … we are the equipment managers... we are the haulers… we are the cheerleaders and we are the critics… We are not here for ourselves. We are here for our offspring and for each other. Now… we are the family.

Shannon R Killman

We Stood Close

I watched the rolling skies last night. The water fell upon us with a steady fury. The lightning split the sky like broken glass. From the safety of my porch… water splashed up on my feet leaving the feeling of humid stickiness.

My Grandfather grew up in the deserts of Arizona and would wait with anticipation for the torrent of nature to fall to the earth. We would stand with him on his porch that usually stood in place to protect us from the sun. We would watch the dark, thunderous clouds cascade over the mountain range.

We could smell the sweet and heavy aroma of the winds that absorbed the heat and dust of the parched earth around us. It would throw itself on our faces and swirl around our heads. The temperature of the air fell in gusts that hit our skin in layers. Small swirls of sand and desert debris scattered themselves in every direction and gathered our attention away from the clouds.

The thunder clouds reflected the light as they muscled themselves in the upper atmosphere. Grandfather would stare into the sky hoping that this time the winds would be kind. The texture of colors in the dark and light clouds gave way to the steady gray of water that made its way to our porch. The rain came in heavy drops that spattered the dust under the intermittent pattern of rain… then it would come to us… the wind was replaced by rain… the rain he remembered from his youth.

There was the smile that I remember… the smile of gratitude on his stubbled face… the smile of contentment. We changed in those years. We learned to respect the rain. We learned to stay on the porch and wait for the blessing. We stood close… the rain splashed up on our feet and left that humid stickiness that I will never forget.

I now find myself drawn to my own porch when the storms crawl upon me. I pull my head to the air and search for the aromas of the desert. My children pull themselves outside with me... and we stand close...

Shannon R Killman

the Spirit of My Mind

I want happiness… I want to see the faces of the ones I love and feel a reflection of joy… I want to feel energetic… I want to walk without notice of my limbs… I want sunshine… sunshine with dabbles of shade to cool my soul… I want smiles from strangers… smiles that are infectious to others around… I want love… the love that feels like yesterday… a yesterday of discovery… I want warmth… the warmth of a child in my arms that nears slumber… I want laughter… a laughter that pulls from my spirit… I want peace… a peace that has no plan… a peace that exists on its own merit… I want conversation… a conversation in the dim light of companionship… I want attention… the attention that is undeserved… I want friendship… friendship that is earned through years of trust and honesty… I want charity… to give without credit for the deed… I want dancing… the dance of youth and the dance of lovers… I want calm… the calm of the sunset… I want satisfaction… the satisfaction from within… I want treasures… the treasures of a prized shell on a quiet beach… I want surprises… the surprises that stop the rhythmic pulse of my heart and renews the spirit of my mind…

Shannon R Killman