the Way to My Immortality

a note to my son-in-law Jake

I’ve spent my entire adult life looking after my children. I watched them come into this world and have spent every moment of their lives concerned upon their well being. I have cradled and hugged them… I have held their hands and watched them as they slept. I’ve cried with them and laughed with them. I wondered how there was any more room in my heart for each one after the other.

When they were young, I was involved in the every day things of their lives. I read to each one of them and tucked them into bed. I was there to help them dress and to cook for them and feed them. I was there to keep them safe and try to look to their future for them… it was all consuming.

As I got older, and the children became independent and didn’t need my direction, I felt like I was loosing something. It was as though I was loosing parts of myself… the parts of myself that they had added to me. I could only watch as they grew and hope that they had learned the proper ways of life.

As I watched my Grandparents age into their twilight, I saw my mortality. As I watch my parents follow the path of their parents I can feel my mortality. And I ponder upon the future.

And that’s when we found you. It wasn’t an accident... nothing is an accident. Natalie talked about you… her eyes were bright and full when she spoke your name. You made her happy… you took her breath. And she loved you… and we love you. There is always room in our hearts for another child… another son. And now I realize the way to my immortality. It will be through you…

Happy birthday son…
                                       Shannon R Killman