If I had the ability I would ...

It would be easy if we could do anything without having to learn how to do it first. There is a movie we watched the other day that makes it that easy. All they do is download a desired knowledge into your brain, and you instantly have the ability.

It sounds wonderful, but where would the individualism be? How would any of us stand out as great in our fields? We all would be able to do everything, so there wouldn’t be any need to do anything.

There are God given talents in all of us, but they have to be nurtured. There is a learning process for all of us no matter what abilities we are striving to accomplish. Even the best athletes in the world started in little leagues and back yard pickup games.

When we have our first children, we have to show them and teach them everything, or so we think. We spend countless hours talking baby talk and showing them nuances. These little sponges are watching and observing us at all times. Even when don’t want them to.

I watched Cody one time with Kate in the kitchen. He was in the last stages of one of those three-day viruses that make everyone miserable. They had gone through the routine time after time: She would take the children’s medication out of the upper cabinet and give him a teaspoon before bed.

Cody was at the age where he wanted to do everything for himself, so when his mother sat him on the counter to give him the medication, he told her that he wanted to take the lid off the bottle. It was a childproof top, but she let him give it a try.

He struggled and grunted and twisted and listened to the clicking of the lid. I bet he checked to see if it was unscrewing a dozen times. Kate showed a great deal of patience with him. I would have probably taken it away from him and already had him in bed.

She took it from him and shook it up to make sure the medication was in full suspension. He watched intently. She then administered the proper amount of pressure on the lid and twisted it off very gently.

A look of amazement came all over Cody and he exclaimed; “oh… you have to shake it first”. It has been five or six years now, but he still shakes the medicine bottles with determination before he opens them up for his mother...



Shannon R Killman

If I were more agile I would ...

I notice more and more that I am moving just a little more careful than I used to. I was leaning down to get a new trash bag for the kitchen trashcan and I remember thinking to myself “ why does Kate insist on putting these things all the way in the back? It makes it almost impossible to reach them”.

The funny thing is that the bags have been in the same place for the past eight years. Maybe it is that I had lost some of my flexibility and agility.

We watched a special the other day on these people… evidently some close knit organization, and a small one, of people who can put themselves in small boxes and who can twist themselves into knots. I’m sure you have seen these special individuals. They do have a gift. They are the most agile and flexible of all of us.

I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to watch that. I do want to be able to wiggle into tight places when I need to or under the car or truck to check out an unusual noise or something, but I don’t want to get in a box the size of this computer and monitor!

If we don’t use what we have and take care of what we have, we all will need to buy slip-on shoes before our time. My lifelong friend, Jim Greenwood, has remained wonderfully active forever. He has always taken good care of himself and continues to compete in running and cycling races. He is now in the over forty categories, but he is out there remaining agile.

I was on a visit to Arizona not too long ago and there were children running around everywhere. My sister Dana was there with half of her children, I was there with half of mine and the neighbor’s children were there too. We had all invaded Dad’s fiefdom.

I came downstairs one morning and I saw Dad sitting on the edge of his chair. I wasn’t real sure what was going on, but he was huffing and puffing under his breath. I saw a couple of kids scamper off out of the corner of my eye and when I focused in on him, I saw him holding a couple of antique ice hooks. I thought he had finally snapped. He looked at me and I looked at him…

What I didn’t see at first was that the ice hooks were very precisely guided into the loops on his boots. He was using the hooks as an extension of his hands. It was easier for him to grab on to the handles on the hooks than those little loops they put on boots. Years of hard work had taken a little agility from Dad’s hands.


Shannon R Killman

If I were smaller I would ...

I have the occasion to drop off my children at their schools from time to time. When I look around at the multitudes of little humanoids, I think, “How in the world can someone that is less than three feet tall be so complete?”

As I write this, my youngest (and smallest) daughter who is just over two now, just finished telling me that she is a big girl. She turned the water off all by herself. Can you imagine looking up to my six feet plus frame and telling me that you are big? I guess it depends on from whose eyes the observation is made.

I remember visiting relatives when I was smaller. Smaller… younger… much smaller. They would always tell me that I had grown a foot! I felt big even when I was actually small. Everything looked huge. We would go on vacation and the cars were huge and the campsites were huge. My parents were huge and well, they were old too, but I came to understand that one day I would be big too and I couldn’t wait to be old. Smallness was for babies.

I can remember being small enough to sit in my Grandmother’s lap. She would pat my leg and tell me that when I was very small she would sleep with me in the bed at night and hold my feet until I would go to sleep.

My first small memory was in my great-grandmother’s farmhouse in Arizona. I remember Grandma Baker telling Rantz and I that it was time for a nap. I recall running across the house to the big bed. It was a race with my brother that went on forever. We had to climb into that big bed and struggle onto the mattress.

It was twenty something years later when I was able to go back into that farmhouse where they used to live. It was a small block building with one small bedroom and one small bathroom. All of it was small. I wanted to be small at that moment. I wanted to be able to run across that old cool floor and chase back my memories.

I took the time to photograph the hands of all of my children some time ago. I placed their hand within mine and took a quiet shot of a slice of time. Natalie’s hand was the largest and she held my hand as much as I held hers. Shannon’s hand was slender and thin, much like her mother’s. Cody didn’t want me to show the bruise on his thumb, so we worked out the perfect position. Katelin was in for the game and wanted to get both hands in the shot. Jackson was willing to curl his little hand into mine because the other children had been waiting in turn. Finally I was able to unclench the infant hand of Darby to make the experience complete.

I love to look at those little pictures. I’m not sure how to describe the feeling that it gives me, but it makes the world a little quieter… and softer... and smaller.

Right now, if I could, I would close my eyes and be back there in the coolness of my grandmothers Margie’s summer sheets. I would be lulled to sleep by the sweetness of her hands cupping my little feet… much like I do and have done to each and every one of my own little children. That is the small that I want to be. That is the small I want to remember…


Shannon R Killman

If I were Taller I would…

I happen to end up as one of the tall people. I wanted to be taller because I had visions of playing in the NBA, but I am just too short to be scrapping with the seven footers.

As a teenager, I was the guy that was in charge of cleaning off the tops of the refrigerators in all of my friends’ mother’s homes. Mom wanted to know why I wouldn’t do it at our home.

I have towered over most of my family members since I was a teenager. My brother Rantz used to tell all of our friends that I was adopted. Looking back, I see that being adopted is not a big deal, but when I was ten, it was worth fighting over. I got bigger and Rantz and I didn’t fight much more.

It’s good to be tall in order to reach the light bulbs in the ceiling fixtures without having to get a chair, or getting stuff off of the top shelf at the grocery store. But, I do have a ridge on the top of my head that I attribute to bumping into things. I have developed a habit of looking up before I rise out of a chair (just in case). People that are less than six feet tall can’t imagine how painful it is to hit the top of your head on the corner of an open kitchen cabinet.

That is one of the small, wonderful advantages of being tall. You run into things with your head that weren’t designed for coming into contact with the head. Ears are targets too. You can also imagine the fun I have when I manage to jab something into my temple. There is a down side for every up side.

When my brother Rantz and I are ever photographed together, he always gets up on his toes as to not appear shorter than I. It is a ritual that we have rehearsed for the last thirty years. I try to get up on my toes too before the picture flashes as to not allow any advantage on his part.

I have come to the conclusion that I like very much being tall. Some people don’t like it. If you are trying to blend into a crowd it doesn’t help much, but I never wanted to be a private investigator or stealthy anyway. Some people help little old ladies cross the street. I help them get stuff off of the shelves in the grocery store. There is a purpose for all of us.


Shannon R Killman

If I could do it again I would…

Everybody has made mistakes and misjudgments during the course of their lives that they would like to change. It is interesting, by going back and doing it all over again, we would change our experience and therefore possibly change our personalities. After all, we all are a compilation of our life’s experiences.

If I could do a lot of the things over again that I wanted to have come out differently, it would be the things that got me in trouble or caused me the most embarrassment.

I can remember going into a store with my mother and my brother Rantz. Most of the scene is fuzzy because of our ages. We were probably about three or four years old. I can’t remember taking the pack of gum out of the store, but I do remember giving some to Rantz and then being caught by Mom.

Oh, the terror of having to go back in the store with Mom and having to tell the storeowner that I took it! I can still feel the agony of the moment. If I hadn’t been caught or it had been excused, I might not remember the experience. Perhaps it would have changed my character. It is now going on thirty-something years since that event in Houston, Texas. That seems to be long enough to think about that pack of Juicy Fruit gum. It’s no wonder that I prefer Spearmint.

If we can just try and teach our children and the youth that surround us how important it is to take a little time and think of all of the consequences of our actions. Just one small point to have them absorb and build as part of the personality traits that make up their persona.

I haven’t had such a hard time in life as to want to be a Blues Singer, or even come close to qualifying, especially when I hear what others have had to go through. When I look back and think about the things I would have changed, I come up with things that were seemingly trivial. I guess my life wouldn’t even qualify as a very good country music song…


Shannon R Killman

If I had more Energy I would…

If I had more energy I would more than likely have to live a different lifestyle. I would eat differently and walk and exercise and try to take better care of myself. I’m not completely convinced I would have more energy after all of the activity but my mind tells me it would be a good thing to do. Maybe we could all use a little change in our lives and do some good for ourselves.

I have to admit that I am slightly envious of the people I know that do run and walk consistently (no matter the weather). My brother-in-law, Tommy, will run even when he is on vacation. On the other hand, when I get some time off from work, all I want to do is nap.

I go back to an example of my children because they are such a big part of my life. Little Shannon can go to bed at 2:00 AM and at 7:00 AM she is right in your face asking what is for breakfast. On the other hand, you can get her to bed at 8:00PM and she is right back in your face at 7:00 AM with the same smile and request.

The children can go swimming at the local swim club for ten hours a day and want to get home so they can ride their bicycles. They may take a few minutes out of their day to eat a little something but unless you force them to go to bed, they will carry on until they drop.

When I was young and would be on my way to school in the morning, I would get my bicycle out of the garage and pet the cat on the way out. Sometimes I would pause for a moment and wish I were that cat. Too-Too would sit in the sun most of the day and relax in the yard without a care in the world. I had to go to school while she just got to sit around all day. I think she knew I was a little desirous of her feline freedoms. She seemed to get along just fine without more energy. As a matter of fact, I think she lived about seventeen or eighteen years.

Shannon R Killman

If I was Stronger I would...

I was in the local gym working out the other day and while on the stationary bicycle, an older man sat down beside me and began his workout. He was obviously in pristine shape. Even for a man half his age.

He told me that he was 74 years young. He was muscular and fit and strong. I told him that at the rate he was going, he would probably live forever. He told me “I am going to live forever; it’s just that this old body won’t”.

When we think of being stronger, it may be in the physical sense or in the mental sense. When I am faced with a difficult situation that doesn’t quite go the way I want, I on occasionally think, “I wish I were stronger”.

The mind has a remarkable ability of controlling our strength. There are stories of people doing extraordinary things that would normally be physically impossible.

If I had to choose between the physical and the psychological, I would choose to be mentally stronger. To be mentally stronger would lead to greater understanding, greater discipline, greater compassion and far more patience.

The children are all taking karate classes. It is a wonderful way of getting rid of some of their excess energy. They have a wonderful instructor who cares a great deal about all of the kids. They don’t know it, but they are learning a great deal more than how to do a front-kick and a side-kick.

He is introducing them to mental toughness and mental discipline. It is a great age for them to get started. They are young and willing to learn.

I want to be able to take on challenges that will be fruitful for my mental well-being as well as physical until it is my time to bow out. I too, am going to live forever…


Shannon R Killman