Sunday, November 25, 2012

Peace tonight






All of my children were within my arms today… together my six.

I looked into each of their eyes as they smiled and talked and as they laughed.

I found parts of myself within each one… inside of a reply or gesture.

I felt their voices in my memory… in a dance with time.

I realized peace tonight… my soul will live on through them.

And I pray they have only the best of me.


                                                  Shannon R Killman

Friday, November 16, 2012

Through the Thinning Leaves






We began the final phase of our yearly game today… my yard and I. The leaves from the surrounding trees that keep me shaded throughout the spring and summer have started there trek to the ground. There is moisture in the air that pulls from high above in the spider web of clouds. They contrast against the light blue sky… and I watch. I watch for a hint of wind that will steal my breath in the cold morning.

I plugged in the leaf blower and untangled the cord I have used with it for years. I know it’s the right one because of the repair I had to make several years ago. I knotted it about a foot away from the end. In the loop sits a patch of electrical tape that holds together the tender green, white and black wires that are intertwined with nylon cording.

The cat wakes up from her nap in the sunshine when she hears the whine of the small electrical motor. It makes a quick pull to my left against my wrist as the torque of the motor fills the black tube with exhausted air… and the leaves blow in swirls.

The leaves are in every crevice of the yard… and in every fall color. The crepe myrtle leaves are pointed at both ends and blend brown with pale yellow on both ends of the driveway. The red bud tree is almost bare and has spread her yellow, heart shaped drapery in the yard. The striking brown from my neighbor’s pines have made their way into my yard along with an adventurous pine cone or two.

The river birch is shedding its serrated edged foliage in record time. The squirrels skip around the tree tops and cause a haphazard cascade that falls like the waves of the ocean. Her papery bark pulls at their path as they make their way down.

And then there is Mother Oak. She moves like a thunder cloud in the light breeze… twisting slightly to the left and to the right in a dancer’s motion. She releases just enough of her leaves to keep herself entertained. She knows tomorrow we will be together again. Her brown leaves hide the green ivy that crawl along her trunk. But, she holds on to the green and bronze in her mighty canopy.

We will dance the dance of fall and winter. The grass will be cut a final time and wait for its raking. The blower will push the grass in a swirled pattern and the cat will watch from the safety of the street. The children will pull on wooden handles attached to rake ends and long for the warmth of hot chocolate. And we look to the skies through the thinning leaves and barren branches toward a time of spring when we will begin again.

                                                                        Shannon R Killman

Monday, November 12, 2012

Her sign to Me



My centuries old oak tree flexed her muscles today. I have been watching her for weeks now… waiting for her sign. The large glossy acorns have been falling like hail for a month or so in anticipation of her next cycle.

Her leaves have been fighting against the cool evenings and the afternoon rains. The shiny green shadows that stand over my rooftop have softened into a mixture of olive greens and soft brown. She relaxes her intentions… the wind takes her leaves as she releases them at her will.

She knows I’m watching her. She smiles upon me as I inspect her… as I have through the years. She only teases with wisps of leaves, but we both know what is coming. The browns of late fall will be her sign to me.

I will toil for my friend and rake her leaves into piles. I will sweep around the drive and I will blow the leaves from the roof. But for now, we look upon each other in the misty dusk and ready ourselves for another day.
                                                                                            
                                            Shannon R Killman


                                                                                  

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

and She will Cry




And then time stood still…
We looked to like-minds
for understanding on this night.
The world shifted in its stance.

We echo the ways of other lands.
Perhaps we cannot recover in time.
But, we can only wait and try.
The years will pass slowly, divided.

And she will cry
with the failures of her people.
She will rust under the debt.
Her torch is dim tonight.

                       Shannon R Killman

Friday, October 12, 2012

Soul






I looked through snap shots
of my daughter's wedding.
It came back to me in waves,
I had forgotten the nuances.

He was perfect, she was perfect.
The aura was palatable.
I miss the youth of my life,
they brought it back to me.

I cried softly, with a smile.
I am thankful for my soul
for without it I am lost.
Without it I have no tears.

                        Shannon R Killman

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Worthy Foe



I carry a burden of decades…
It lingers in my lungs,
It hangs heavy in my mind,
It follows as shadows do.

But, we toil today…
Like a mask, I shed you
And you struggle,
And we breathe together.

My mind is cloudy
And you mock me in whispers,
My blood screams behind
The sweat of our years…

I approach the crest...
And you drag at my heels,
But I pull ahead, with a smile
As you claw within my brow.

I tire of the struggle, victorious
But I feel your heat,
You sit and wait... always ready.
A worthy foe…

                        Shannon R Killman   

Sunday, September 16, 2012

and God was there to See




I saw the life in your eyes and my breath was shallow… I felt the fear of the unknown pass through my mind. I held you for a brief moment and passed you to your mother… she waited for you in anticipation. You were new to this world and God was there to see…

I would hold you close in the eve of the day. The soft music would swirl through the air and fill our home with calm. I held you as a protector with the love that words cannot describe. And then we would dance, just the two of us in the beginning of your life. I would cradle your neck and look into your soul. We would sway together as one and God was there to see…

With the music in the air and shoppers all around, you would hold my hand and dance with the smile of a princess. We danced between the aisles of clothing in the department store under the speakers from above. You twirled under my hand and filled the room with your joy. We didn’t care who saw us together because the world was full of happiness. And through it all God was there to see…

Time pulled you away in the chorus of our song. You were not there under my eyes and under my arms. You danced with others and swayed in the moonlight as I thought of you in my mind. I danced with you in my memories and prayed for your safety… I longed for a glimpse of your joy… of your eyes and of a daughter’s touch. You never left my mind… and I knew that God was there to see…

I didn’t know that it was possible… you were the most beautiful bride of all time. I looked upon my baby… my child… the infant who first took my heart. You took my hands in a crowd of friends and family and we danced once again. We danced as eyes looked upon us. But I was alone with you in that moment… I was young and full of hope once again. I cried the joy of our first embrace and was hopeful of your future and of your love. And through it all God was there to see…


                                                         Shannon R Killman